Chasing Stars
by Aireen Nicolas
“Somewhere between the dreams we inherit and the monsters we meet, we begin the peculiar business of becoming ourselves.”
✧ The Curious Case of a Girl Who Wanted the Stars✧
Ah, the good old days of being blissfully clueless about what life had tucked beneath its sleeves. Back when happiness required little more than dancing in the rain, gazing at the endless blue sky, and staring at the vast ocean as though it might eventually whisper the secrets of the universe. Life seemed rather simple then. The world was a playground, the clouds were wandering sheep, and the future was merely a mysterious little package waiting to be unwrapped.
If only someone had warned me that adulthood came without an instruction manual.
As a child, I had no grand declaration about what I wanted to become when I grew up. No elaborate five-year plan, no carefully rehearsed ambition, not even a vague idea of which corner of the world I intended to conquer. While other children seemed busy assigning themselves important destinies, I was content to exist beneath the sky, blissfully unaware that one day I would be expected to turn this existence into something productive.
Oh, the audacity of life.
Then came high school the peculiar kingdom where hormones staged rebellions, emotions performed unscheduled theatrical productions, and the mind occasionally behaved like a haunted house with questionable plumbing. It was one of those seasons when growing up felt less like blossoming into a beautiful flower and more like being a confused caterpillar trapped inside a cocoon with a thousand unanswered questions.
Beneath my quiet exterior, an invisible storm was brewing.
There were fears I couldn't name, expectations I struggled to understand, and dreams that seemed to hover just beyond my reach, glittering like distant stars with a rather wicked sense of humor. They were beautiful, those stars, but terribly far away. They had no intention of making the journey easier for me.
Still, I wanted them.
I wanted to become something, someone—anything beyond the uncertain creature I saw reflected in the mirror. So I gathered whatever courage I could find, dusted off my battered determination, and marched forward to confront the goblins lurking along my path. Some wore the faces of doubt; others disguised themselves as fear, insecurity, and the ever-popular question, What if you aren't good enough?
What a charming little collection of monsters.
I fought them as best I could, sometimes bravely, sometimes clumsily, and occasionally by pretending they didn't exist until they became impossible to ignore. But I kept moving. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I had clung to the belief that education was the finest weapon a person could carry into an unforgiving world. A key, perhaps, to unlock the gates of opportunity and climb toward a future bright enough to rival the heavens.
I imagined education as a ladder reaching toward the stars. One simply had to climb high enough, work hard enough, and believe fiercely enough to earn a place among them.
So I studied. I endured. I dreamed.
And when high school finally came to an end, I expected to feel victorious, perhaps even enlightened like a brave little knight returning from battle with a shining sword and a glorious tale to tell.
Instead, I felt as though I had climbed the first rung of a very tall ladder while wearing a blindfold.
The stars were still there, twinkling indifferently above me. The ladder, however, had become suspiciously steep, and nobody had bothered to mention what happened after graduation.
Apparently, the universe enjoys a practical joke now and then.
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