Silence

  

Dec. 12/28/2020 Day 1: 

One morning of gloom & heavy heart, puzzled while walking on the misty street with my black umbrella .

I keep my feet from walking,wonder why I feel such pain, thoughts clouded my mind and gasping for air.

I'm a bit lost , lost of sense of time ,every thing was blurred and suddenly I decided to take a taxi cab.

My chest begin to race like harsh attempt to take my consciousness. I slowly drag my senses, forcing my soul to smile to trick my brain for a seconds.

So much of silence that I couldn't hear some jeep noise nearby, It was a vague figure of lines as I saw the window.

The taxi cab stopped and I tend to do my job as I ought to do

Clueless that we have an assessment that day, It was a one on one with my superior 

A part of me was quite nervous but I preferred to stay calm , listening while splashing my thoughts.

Admittedly I have a lot of room for improvements , I felt anxious yet relieve.

12/29/2020

I'm a bit distracted with that notion on my head, I went to bathroom , I cried  and  uttered prayer secretly .

I'm telling my self to be firm  to let God guide me . Enough to fight and face reality.

I keep myself indulge to things laid on my table, to validated my self with my current emotions.

Its okay not to be okay, to feel hurt ,to be naturally  feel the process  of human tendencies , to love, 

to hurt and heal.

12/30/2020

Calming my entity , listening to some Christian song as I organize my things.

I make my bed , and prepared clothes and bedding for laundry. I can't hide the murmuring thoughts on my head

I go to sleep again, let my disturb soul listen to some motivational advises and I went outside , I took a walked and bumped into a massage parlor.

I talked to an old friend, a church mate before , reconnecting the gap of no communications, She was so willing to absorb things and listen as I have to her .

12/31/2020

I'am literally a having a flue inside  , I'm a bit hesitant to go to Arrezo Place and celebrated New year.

Yeah, I'am alone this whole day, crunching on the bed while watching some creative individuals fighting to attain their dreams.

I called my housemate for I am not feeling well , I just feel that my body and mind need to rest.

I'am fine spending time on my own, I steamed some hotdogs and embutido before I took my medicine.

It was heavy I will admit but I keep on talking God, I decided to look for the path that we can talk but I was ignored . Like it was an attempt to tame an elusive lion on a den., I will be fine, God gave me strength. That is all I know.

01/01/2020

Happy New Year , I won't let my feeling ruin my day. I texted my brother telling them that I love them

Currently I am putting my thoughts in here, so bare with me :) . I'm processing my thoughts to be productive this day. Listening to calming sound gave me an array to focus.